


Fake

by LaineAI



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Depression, Hurt No Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, The Author Regrets Everything, The Author Regrets Nothing, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-03
Updated: 2021-02-03
Packaged: 2021-03-14 11:00:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 646
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29170002
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LaineAI/pseuds/LaineAI
Summary: Nishinoya is tired of being fake. Tell me if you want a part two with a happy ending.I WAS FEELING ANGSTY BUT PLEASE DONT READ IF YOUR NOT IN A GOOD PLACE! PLEASE DONT PURPOSEFULLY TRIGGER YOURSELF.
Relationships: Azumane Asahi/Nishinoya Yuu
Comments: 4
Kudos: 8





	Fake

He doesn't know. He doesn't know why he never feels like himself. Or why he keeps annoying people who don't want to deal with him. He doesn't know anything. 

Nishinoya had always been different. He was too short for his age and he had a blond streak in his hair since birth. He stood out. 

In high school, that's the last thing you want. 

He was loud too. He had so much energy. He was always jumping around and yelling. He didn't even notice it. His grandmother thinks he has ADHD. It would make sense. His grandmother never cared about how animated he was. But others did.

Teachers yelled at him constantly. Running or yelling in the halls was his main issue. Students complained too. Even his teammates would admonish him sometimes. 

However they always admired him. Because he wouldn't let what people say bother him. Because he held his head up high, and because he was unapologetically loud. He was confident.

For everyone else. 

Nishinoya would often go home and overthink the day. Analyze every mistake. Regret his every move. 

He hated how fake he felt. 

Asahi looked up to him. He wanted to be like him. Nishinoya would never understand it. Asahi was perfect. He was Asahi. The man Nishinoya loved. But he wasn't happy with himself. No matter what he did it was never enough.

Nishinoya knew that feeling. All he wanted to do was tell Asahi that he wasn't alone. But he could never do that.

Hinata also looked up to him. He saw him as cool and brave. Nishinoya isn't brave. He's stupid and doesn't think before he acts. Hinata was the cool and brave one.

Just like himself, his thoughts are loud. They never shut up. Despite what you might assume from his demeanor, Nishinoya doesn't sleep. Not a lot. His thoughts infect him and refuse to die down. Sometimes they are just normal thoughts. Sometimes they're dark. All he can think is what everyone would think of him if they heard how many times he's day dreamed of running a razor across his arms to silence his mind. 

It was during one of the practice games. They were playing a random team. When they all took a small break the teams wing spiker had walked over to him. It was probably because of the bragging Noya had done but he was upset. "You think you're special huh? No matter how many blocks you make, you'll still never be enough." He walked away. 

Suga had asked him if he was okay but Nishinoya just shrugged him off saying it was nothing. It wasn't until the game continued. He kept playing those words in his head. He missed two easy blocks. After the second Noya lost it and ran. 

He went into the nearest bathroom locking the door. "Fuck!" He yelled. He banged his head against the door. 

'You just caused a scene. You were the one being a jerk. Why were you bragging? He was hurt. He's right. No matter how good of a libiro you are it won't make up for the rest of you. Loud. Annoying. Rude.'

There was a knock on the door. "Nishinoya." It was asahi. "I dont wanna talk, Asahi." There was a pause. "Noya, just open the door." "No." "N-" "Asahi I said no!" There's no words for a while. Noya hears Asahi hit the door and slide down. "I'm not leaving."

Noya doesn't talk. "You know Ive never seen you have nothing to say." That made Noya feel worse. 

Eventually the coach came by and told them they had to leave. Nishinoya said nothing on the way home. Despite Tanaka's attempts. 

Noya never talked about it. Asahi, Tanaka, Suga, Enoshita, and Hinata all tried. Even Kiyoko once. But Nishinoya shut down whenever it was brought up. 

He still couldn't believe he slipped up.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed.


End file.
